Tests

Whew. It. Has. Been. A. Minute.

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve written anything on here. I’ve started to type and then the backspace key gets hit and all of my jumbled thoughts get deleted. If you’re reading this, this one somehow managed to make the cut. Buckle up.

I know that life is full of tests. I was the kid stressing out about standardized testing; I wanted to wake up refreshed. I wanted to make it to school on time with my pencil sharpened and an extra one just in case. I wanted to make sure I filled in every bubble fully and I crossed my fingers I never had to use my eraser. In many ways, I’m STILL that kid. I know that life, no matter how old we get, is still going to test the heck out of me. Daily. But lately, I’ve had to sit back and figure out how to properly prepare for these tests. You see, in life, we aren’t always given the date for these ‘tests’, are we? If we were, we would study harder. We would wake up more prepared. Our pencils would be a little more sharper and we’d have more study sessions with the ‘smart kids’ before the big day.

Nope. That’s not how adulting works. That’s not how life works. At all. Most of life’s tests are thrown at us when we’ve had zero sleep, no knowledge of the material at hand and, my worst fear for tests, no pencil! Life will catch us off guard and unprepared. So I’m slowly, very slowly, trying to prepare my self for whatever life can throw at me. And she throws a lot and she throws it fast, y’all.

Rest. The night before a big test, you wanted to cram all information into your brain AND have rest. In real life, it’s no different. But rest is more like reflection. Self care. All of that fun stuff you see people doing at the spa or at yoga. But truthfully, my reflecting is done on my back porch swing. I’ll sit there and just think while I watch my birds. I ponder on what truly matters most in my life and what doesn’t. I do my absolute best to let go of what doesn’t truly matter because it makes room for the things that do. It makes my load feel lighter and for some reason, that makes me feel ‘rested’.

As far as making sure my adult pencils are sharpened… eh. That’s a hard one. That means I have to be prepared every second of every day for a pop quiz. That means I have to have the materials needed at any given moment. Sometimes these adult tests require money, time, patience and knowledge that we sometimes just do not have. I’ve learned that my most valuable resources for my most recent tests have been God and those He has placed in my life. What has not helped me with any test, whatsoever, are the ones God has steered me away from. They aren’t good for my spirit so they can’t be good for my future. It would be like cheating off of the kid you know hasn’t studied. Non-beneficial. But that study group that God equipped you with.. that study group that God ordained to be in your life.. they all bring something to the table that will help you pass your tests. Some of them bring an ear to listen. Some of them bring wisdom from experiences. Some of them bring a smile to your face and just cheer you on to the next question. Whatever they bring to the table, is really God providing you with resources needed to succeed. Read that again. You cannot do it all alone. You need to pay attention to your real circle. I cannot stress that enough.

In life’s exams, I still want to fill in the answer bubbles fully and completely. I never want someone to ask me if I meant to choose B or C. I want them to know I clearly chose my answer and I want to provide reasoning for it. That means knowing why I chose what I chose. That means knowing my values and knowing what I stand for in order to make a confident decision and not being scared to say it. Can I get an amen on that one??

If you’ll remember, I told you I was afraid to use my eraser during a test. Ponder on that for a second. Why are we so afraid to mess up? What’s the point of having an eraser if we never use it? I am human. I don’t always get it right. But can I tell you a little secret? Take notes because this one is huge: Not getting it right doesn’t mean you got it all wrong as long as you acknowledge it and learn from it. I have an Eraser that loves me unconditionally; as soon as I know I’ve done or said the wrong thing, I immediately feel bad and ask for forgiveness. We are human. We are not perfect. But one thing I take strong pride in, ask ANYONE that knows me, is always doing the right thing. If I make a mistake, I will be the first to say my bad. Thank God He is gracious, forgiving and the definition of unconditional love. Mistakes do not have to define you. Some people will say you got the answer wrong when you know you got it right. Don’t use your eraser to change your answer unless you know you’ve made a mistake.

This post isn’t even about a pencil or a paper test. It’s about showing up to life’s battles prepared. Rested. Surrounded by your tribe. Standing firm by your decisions and not being afraid to fall because you can always get back up; I can tell you that I am in the midst of the biggest and most painstaking trials of my life. I may not be able to speak on it now, but I know that it’s all a part of my testimony. I know it hurts like no hell I’ve ever experienced but I can also tell you that my faith hasn’t wavered. My circle has most definitely gotten so much smaller but my circle brings more to the table than the other’s ever could have. God has placed people and situations in my path that no other man could have crafted. He’s done the same for you. Utilize that. Be vigilant enough to notice what you bring to the table so you can be the part of the circle you’ve been called to be for your people. If you pay attention to these things, you’ll be prepared for any test. If you keep your eyes set on God and your heart steady, you’ll always come through the other side victorious. Every test will get you to the exact place God has created you for. No matter how strenuous, painful or redundant, if you focus on being prepared with the ones around you, the weapon will not prosper. That’s a fact, y’all. That’s a promise.